You’ve got it half licked

“If at eighty you’re not a cripple or an invalid, if you have your health, if you still enjoy a good walk, a good meal (with all the trimmings), if you can sleep without first taking a pill, if birds and flowers, mountains and sea still inspire you, you are a most fortunate individual and you should get down on your knees morning and night and thank the good Lord for his savin’ and keepin’ power. If you are young in years but already weary in spirit, already on the way to becoming an automaton, it may do you good to say to your boss – under your breath, of course – “Fuck you, Jack! You don’t own me!” … If you can fall in love again and again, if you can forgive your parents for the crime of bringing you into the world, if you are content to get nowhere, just take each day as it comes, if you can forgive as well as forget, if you can keep from growing sour, surly, bitter and cynical, man you’ve got it half licked.” – Henry Miller

I have seen a lot of young people feeling lazy and giving up on life and then I see and read these words written by 80-year-old Henry Miller and I found a new way of looking at things.

The past year have been tough on me. I had to witness the person I have loved more than myself erased every single memory and feelings for me and that broke me more than the surgery or any other physical pain. I learned to accept everything and the universe have been having my back every single time.

I am grateful for every day that I get to wake up and be a better person. I am grateful that I have grown to appreciate and love my feelings and emotions in its entirety. I am still learning to overcome grduges and ill-feelings while thinking on understanding people and their actions.

And I know that I love you, always and forever.

A Vegan Day

Today’s adventure includes exploring the life of a vegan and to end it, we ate our vegan lootings from the pasar malam underneath some umbrellas at a bench somewhere in a residential area while shifting our containers to avoid the dripping rainwater.

Love, at the purest of it, is to be able to be yourself in full honesty. Unmasked, with no one and nothing to impress. In parting, we tried to top each other’s gratitude, for each other.

I wish for you to be able to spend days and moments like these, with those who would truly accept and appreciate your soul, your heart, and your smiles.

I’m glad I get to live the life I’d always imagine I write. I love you, always and forever.

Dancing with the Arts

Yesterday I watched 2 shows – Woman on Man on Men and Impermanence. I’m trying to alternate my weekends between my creative arts excursions and being a solitary hermit.

In #WOMOM, Sue Danza’s Pendatang Pampers is a very interesting narrative on people’s reaction and response to each other and also how they interpret and comprehend it for themselves; while Ken’s Wet Room expressed personal emotions through graceful and vulnerable movements but also in characters. Not sure if my one-liner take on both is the most apt description but thing is, please see it for yourself! 2 shows today (Sunday 19th Jan) at 3:30pm and 8:30pm at The klPac! Tickets are RM 75 or RM65 on concessions – try to inquire with the choreographers or klpac.

And then I went to watch the restaging of Impermanence, one of Snei-Tiga’s mixed media multidisciplinary collaborative performance arts series. Suffice to say that I was totally mindblown! Justin Lee’s amazing euphoric projections and creative direction; I can feel every single movement that Tess Pang made and at one point when she climbed onto the rock searching, I wanted for her to see me, brilliant brilliant live music by Yoong How Thong, Kent Lee’s and Douglas Hys’s dance debut and of course amazing lighting works by Loke Soh Kim. One last show tonight at Kongsi KL, please do catch it! Tickets at RM 50 at entry.

Raise awareness of the Arts. And please spend some money for experiential artsy excursions than spending it in the malls.

Dear 2020 Abby,

Every year you tell yourself that this will be the year you’ll make things happen – and indeed you did. You have always been the kind of person who make things happen.

But this year will be better because that’s what life is all about – that it can always be better.

This year you will be surrounded by people with more clarity to tell you things that they see, not things you want to hear. You will find more honesty and truth around you as you live it with your integrity. And be around those who value honesty and truth.

Grow and heal, every single day. And remember that people actually want to grow up and be like you some day. So live your days courageously with respect and love and most importantly – LOTS OF FUN.

And never ever ever stop giving and sending out love, no matter what. It’s your core being, it’s the essence of your soul and it’s the person that you are. Hug more people. Kiss more foreheads and cheeks. Smile and embrace love as you fire it out from your chest like the true carebear that you are, standing on clouds of rainbow candy flosses in the clear blue sky.

It’s you that I have always love, always and forever.

T-2 to 2020

In this past decade, I got my name engraved on the floor of Publika alongside one of my best lines from my favourite poem. I owe it to Ong Jolene and Nani Kahar for making it happen.

Sometimes when I feel down and alone, I come by to this spot and just stare at words and name. “Aku Jantung, Kau Udara, Mari Kita Bernafas Bersama-sama.” – Abby Latif

I am probably the most insecure person I know, and it takes a lot of growing up to get to where I am right now, being able to feel proud of myself. There are times and circumstances when I still think I have not done enough. But this year, the biggest lesson I learned is to finally accept everything – EVERY SINGLE THING – that has happened, and everything that I am.

Thank you, for all your love that you have shared. Attention is the most priceless thing and ironically, everyone paid the price. I am a walking definition of an oxymoron. Here I am, humbly bragging about my milestones.

Come here when you can. Tell me how seeing my name here makes you smile. And if you can, feel the love that I have when I first wrote these words. Because love makes me smile.

And fuck you if you say Paru-paru makes you bernafas. Suka hati aku lah. You write your own paru-paru dan oksigen poem!

T-3 to 2020: Things I learned in 2019

Strength is built by facing your fears, pain, demons and dealing with situations.

Moving forward by numbing your pain and ignoring your problems is just cowardice ego.

Nothing is ever a good excuse to be cruel to the heart that loves.

My emotional front is always perceived as a crazy reaction. “She crazy” “Lembiknya, sikit-sikit emo” “She’s driving me crazy with her emotional outburst”.

I rather be crazy than numb because only when you’re so deeply connected to your soul and your emotions, you will know how deep you can actually love. Plus, only the geniuses loves like crazy. If you don’t love crazily, then… you no genius. Haha.

People who are brave confronts their emotions. They feel and question it, constantly. Because emotions are fucking scary and painful but it’s the only way to build your inner strength. If you constantly run away from it, you will never know how to deal with it and that’s just building more and more into your fear.

Never let your ego make you a coward. Do not take pride in running away from dealing with your problems and your emotions. And do not glorify those who does – you should instead be worried for they will falter and break when you least expect it.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

In the spirit of Christmas, the least or actually the best thing that you can do is to be true to the people that you love.

This is me back in 2008 when I was 26 years old experiencing my first Christmas lunch with my English boss’s family. I’ve always love Christmas, the food, the presents, the eggnogs, and the ugly sweaters (yeap, that one was brought by my Mom – all fitting the entire concept).

With all the cheesiness from my hands to yours – May you find your one true love filling in the shattered pieces of your broken souls.

in her abyss, love is the gravity that pulls everyone back to sanity.

Inquiring Feminist by Sufiah Yusof

Sufiah Yusof on feminism and media issues (2017)

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The Cosmic Abyss

in her abyss, love is the gravity that pulls everyone back to sanity.

qahina.wordpress.com/

A Hijabi with Style and Substance.

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