All posts by abbylatif

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finding never-say-never-land

I’m quite bumped when I wake up without my lappie beside me this morning. yes, apparently my lappie has been my faithful sleeping partner these days. I would wake up in the middle of the night, turn to my left and just press F5 to refresh all my homepages. with the wonders of wireless technology, I have become a computer geek and apparently, my social life consist of more virtual acquaintances rather than face-to-face meetings.

this is quite pathetic, especially from a communications practitioner.

I have sent out 5 CVs last week. Quite anxious to know the outcome. I know, usually the ratio would be for every 10 CVs sent out, you might land with one lucky interview, that was what I had last year after I graduated. Everytime I explain to people about what I do in my current job, I felt like I have had this one great job.

but with no career advancement and the traveling distance (Selayang-Putrajaya on a daily basis), I’ve asked around and was agreed that they were valid reasons for me to leave my current job. I haven’t told boss yet, since I haven’t gotten a good deal offered yet. contract ends in November, with the fasting month, it kinda felt longggg way to go.

I wish I was headhunted.

I’m not yet 25. will be 25 in sept 25th. I dunno whether I’m still young and there’s a lot more for me in life, or I am at the age where I could’ve done more. I see young young people achieving so much more and here I am, thinking I haven’t done enough.

but sometimes, I think I have done fairly enough. I read my CV over and over again. Massive corporate events with top ministers, former prime minister, ministers from other countries, top key players of industries. That should be a bonus for landing a job in corporate communications.

have I tried hard enough?

am I giving up?

never give up.

but … will I ever survive in this never-say-neverland?

am I strong enough?

Kampung Haji Abdullah Hukum – Bangsar, Malaysia

Goodbye to another urban kampung

ONE of Kuala Lumpur’s early Malay settlements has been earmarked for development. Rumour has it that the 200- year-old Kg Haji Abdullah Hukum in Bangsar has been marked for a major development comprising condominiums, office blocks, shopping complex and there is even talk of a transit hub to be built in the area. StarMetrospeaks to the residents there to see what they think of the changes that are coming their way.For most of the remaining residents of Kampung Haji Abdullah Hukum, it is the sense of closeness to the city and the warm neighbourhood atmosphere that they will miss when they move out of their home of more than 30 years. But they all agree that it is time that some form of development take place in the area.“My family loves this place very much, but if we want our country to be a developed nation then we have to shift and let the proposed developments take place. We cannot be living in this area for our entire lives. But it is not going to be easy to leave this place as it holds many fond memories for all of us,” said V. Mani Velu, who operates a barber shop next to his home.His shop, situated near the Sri Sakthi Nageswry Amman temple, is shaded by tall coconut trees and has no proper door. It is a popular stop for many seeking to have an economical haircut.
Mani, who followed in his father’s footsteps, said he left school and took up the hair-cutting job at 12 and one of his regular customers, Abdul Samad, 62, has been frequenting his shop from day one till today.

“I have got so used to visiting Mani’s shop that if he has to leave the village, I would definitely look for him at his new shop for more haircuts,” said Abdul Samad who lives in an adjacent village but would often meet up with Mani for tea.

Leong Chong Moi and her husband Lam Kam Chong, who would be moving out of the village with their four children at the end of the year, said they too were happy that the village was going to be developed.

“We heard that a new bridge linking our village and Mid Valley would be built next year and we are very happy over the news,” said Leong, who sells vegetables for a living at Brickfields.

Both she and Lam love taking care of their pet dogs and planting fruit trees around their home in the village. After moving into their new home, they felt it would be impossible for them to continue their hobbies.

“I am going to put my dogs up for adoption and also take on new hobbies when I leave the village,” said Leong.

Traders Mohd Salehan Abdullah and Hashim Othman, who operate a burger and satay stall respectively, felt that the impending development was generally good but they hoped to be able to continue their businesses elsewhere.

“There is no place like home, and this place is just so peaceful and quiet,” said Hashim, who returns to his former home daily to prepare ingredients to cook the satay gravy.

Hashim would spend half a day in the village preparing ingredients and cooking the gravy using the traditional method – over a wood fire.

“Sometimes I stay here on weekdays and only return to the flats where my family is staying on weekends. This is such a homely place to live in,” said Hashim.

He too felt that developing the area was necessary but he would definitely be missing his favourite pastimes such as planting trees and cooking outdoors.

Mohd Salehan, 32, who has been selling burgers for the past 10 years in the village, said he only hopes to be able to find a place to continue his business.

How the village got its name

Haji Abdullah Hukum, whose given name was Muhammad Rukun, came to Malaya at the age of 15 with his father back in the 1800s.

To earn a living he worked as a farmer and a contractor before he started opening lands and villages with the consent of Raja Laut, who was then the Raja Muda of Selangor.

Abdullah was later chosen by Raja Laut to head a mosque in Pudu.

He was also given the authority to start a nursery in Bukit Nanas and to open a village in Sungai Putih (now Jalan Bangsar).

After retiring, he continued to stay in the village in Sungai Putih which is now known as Kampung Haji Abdullah Hukum.

(this article was taken from All



Sunday, 19th August 2007


I joined the KL Flickr Walk for the first time upon an email invitation by my brother, Muid (yeah right, dok sebelah bilik pun nak kena refer email invitation) and I think, its one of the most exciting event I’ve been to this year. The KL Flickr group decided to head down to Kampung Haji Abdullah Hukum, an old kampung settlement in the middle of the concrete jungle with the most vast development in the Bangsar area. We gathered at Restoran Fatima behind Maybank tower at Bangsar and walked to Kampung Haji Abdullah Hukum.


The first thing that I noticed, not only the group consists of diverse ethnicities and everyone comes from a different professional backgrounds, but everyone were so humble and friendly. Although with my small Nikon E4600 (4.0 megapixels pulak tuh) compared to their big Digital SLRs with few range of lenses, we managed to bond and compiled some great shots altogether.


I had the opportunity of talking to the late Haji Abdullah Hukum’s grandchildren, the grandson, an old man in his 90s who said that the village was built in 1890 and the granddaughter, an old lady in her 80s, who told how Abdullah Hukum came from Sumatera and he married a Johorian before building that kampung settlement and we also received a printed images of the late Haji Abdullah Hukum and his wife. The old lady told us that DBKL has purchased their land and they would soon be relocated and the land will be used for development. It will be a pity that so much sentimental values can be felt as we walked through the village. The village, also made up of a diversified community, from Indians to Chinese and Malays, happily living beside one another.


The group ended up in KL Sentral (was too tired to walked back to Bangsar, we took the train and had lunch in an airconditioned building – manja urban folks are we?). We bonded and spent time knowing each other. We end up with some mutual friends. I like to thank my brother Muid for inviting me and the rest of the group for being such nice and welcoming folks (Han, Shafina, Vis, Praveen, Prakash, KenMin, Jing Ying, Eka, Core, Eduardo, Mizi, Atikah, Amir, Rahman, Cik Din, and a few others – please excuse my very very poor dorry memory).


I’ve made mutual friends becos Monday night, I met up with Prakash again for the Documentary screening at HELP. I’m looking forward for more Flickr Walks as we raise awareness of the beauty of our nation’s heritage through the wonders of photography and some good moments captured.

dark cold lonely friday night

in the dim light while listening john coltrane’s “naima” and chet baker’s “my funny valentine”.

a smile on the face.

another drag of the stick.

smokes blown from the nose, and from the mouth.

another smile.

trying to hide the tears.

in longing of the love.

a person.

loved a little less.

probably not at all.


it was different then.

when the ray of morning light used to make the best view.

when the sun light touches the face.

when the words were uttered.

the comfort.

lying on someone’s arm.

face close to each other.

the sweet hug from the back.

those wonderful lovely few days.

love was made and love fades.

a person loved a little less.

fingers became numb.

hiding the tears that forced itself to shed.

a tremble.

a shiver.

night gets colder.

heart gets sadder.

light another stick.

a feeling not everyone will understand.

loved a little less.

then love fade away.

moon refuse to shine.

heart refused to warm.

now, everything changes.

circumstances remained unfavourable.

music plays on.

“naima” …

“my funny valentine”…

fingers shivered.

heart wept.

loved a little less.

now, not loved at all.

for all that matters.

tears … will be shed.

by a person …

loved a little less.

if not at all.

not any more.


I’ll be on duty at the Islamic Arts Museum for the exhibition today and friday, I’ll be on leave until Monday. It will be a long resting weekend for me. Tho, I am looking forward to lend Bibi a helping hand for moving more nearer to my place. Heh. It has been 3 years since we’ve known each other, started from the our blogs. Anyways, do come by to the Merdeka 50: A Celebration of Malaysian Arts at the Islamic Arts Museum. It opens daily from 10am to 6pm. I’ll be on duty once a week. I’ll let you guys know when. And this Monday night, there will be a screening of documentaries at HELP University by the Kelab Seni Filem (or something like that, I don’t really know) at 8pm. I might be there. And Atilia will be performing at the Wine Room (Heritage Row) on September 1st, 9pm. Owh, my friend Tina is getting engaged that very morning, September 1st. Hehe. Those are the hap’pening’s around the cosmic abyss. Till then, I’m off to the museum.

malam isnani

kakak mydin ni bingit la. its 11.23pm. sibuk la galak bergossip. hurm. I just got back from the Malaysian Short Film screening at HELP. okayla. went there alone, met someone, had a ciggie partner. thats good enough for an occasion where you know no one. the short films are good, but I love “Qalam” by Hadi Koh the most. Its about a man searching for God at the wrong places. But I nearly cried towards the end. It brings perspective. Altho “Comolot” which won the top vote for the night deals with a terrific issue, “homosexual love”, I still think “Qalam” is the best. The others hold some key essence in their respective manner. Bravo for the effort. Altho I was a bit disappointed with how the students, filmakers-to-be brought themselves. Without articulation, they barely answer what was asked. This is quite saddening, when some of us who know shit about film making can talk about it passionately, but those who are given the opportunity of knowledge and facilities, couldn’t even understand what was asked, let alone answer it correctly. This is a pity because they do have potential in film-making and if in the future, their films worth the film festivals, how could they bring themselves as ambassadors of the country? I know creative people aren’t always the most articulate, but at least, some passion and drive when asked concerning the field they breathe in. I know this is not learned in school. the art of answering lies in the initiative of the person. 11.30pm. kakak mydin have resided in a quieter manner. okayla. but battery is out. malas nak charge. will head down to watch tv. yes, the idiot box. I’m not that smart anyways. cos I always write about kakak mydin. as if I have nothing better on my mind. well, I don’t actually. heh.

sesuatu yang terindah

suatu masa dahulu, penulisan saya pernah diberi kata “indah”. ketika itu, hati ini baru mendalami erti cinta dan kasih sayang. seakan bunga yang segar bugar. seronok melayani si kumbang dan lebah yang berterbangan.

kini, semua itu seperti cerita cinta semalam. hari ini, tiada indah dalam tulisan, tiada indah dalam pemikiran. suria yang dipuja hanya memandang. bulan yang dicinta, kadang kala menjengah. langit seakan akan tidak mempeduli.

tiada indah lagi apa pun di sini. saya seperti hati yang sudah mati. ingin menulis, seakan memaksa diri. hasilnya, langsung, tiada seri.

saya impikan sesuatu yang terindah. tetapi, setiap kali saya menyebutkan ayat itu di kepala, di dada, sebaknya tidak terhingga. sesuatu yang terindah bukan lah indah semata-mata. sesuatu yang terindah sebenarnya agak menyakit jiwa.

iya. abby sudah gila. tiada indah lagi di sini. hanya seorang gadis gila.

one sunday night to a monday morning

its 2.07am. kakak mydin’s lights are on but I doubt they’re still awake. unless they couldn’t sleep because my lappie was quite loud. I was playing some hindi songs then I played “Before Sunset”. the movie has ended but I am replaying it to listen to the dialogue. I love the movie so much. it inspires me so much. in terms of thinking and the art of conversation. julie delpy did a very good job co-writing the script. and I can’t wait for her new movie “2 Days in Paris”. I personally think Julie Delpy is a great great personality. She can sing, write songs, act and now, she’s directing and writing films. its great. and she reads a lot of poetry. whats more interesting, she have her parents featuring in most of her movies, and in “2 Days in Paris”, they will be playing her parents. that would be so cool. well, she is indeed a cool genius.

today, I had my rest, sleeping and eating and yeah, resting. I had my radiator serviced, thanks to colonel who sponsored. heh. being broke in the middle of the month sounds pathetic enough for me. funnily, rezeki sentiasa murah and my car always have fuel and toll money is always there. but yeah, it is pathetic to be broke. but I managed to attend to the reporter at the islamic arts museum who’s doing a coverage on the exhibition my foundation organised and then, on my way back, I got to hang out at my usual spot, had my iced-milo and read. and also bumped into a friend. whom I always enjoyed sitting with, even in silence. some people just brings us that kind of comfort. we can just have our smoke and sit in silence. or she will do her work and me my reading and in silence, we can enjoy each other’s presence. well, I don’t know about her, but I do find that comforting. the other day, we drove around in the middle of the night cruising down freakin’ rich lords’ houses, admiring and bitching about them, and got our brain filled with smoke and just, enjoyed the company.

this made me realised how much I enjoy being in the presence of someone comforting without the requirement of such luxury, being noticed in kl’s hottest spot or indulging in good fine food (although I wouldn’t mind doing all three), but whats more better is that … cruising in the car, or even just parking, in the middle of the night, smoking and enjoying each other’s presence. thats enough.

tomorrow (or today, since its 2.19am monday morning already), I intend to puasa qada’. but I don’t know how bout I’d cope up, since this will be the first since I heavily indulged in nicotine. I’m keeping my fingers crossed. well, I got to try now, ramadhan is coming.

starting next week (or is it this week since its isnani already), I’ll have more time to myself. I will make time for myself. I need to have a better sleeping routine, and I need to adjust myself to certain things. I want to come home a bit earlier, and maybe just have more time to read. just stop by ali maju and have my milo ice or vanilla coke and read by myself. I always enjoy that. its great to be single (sometimes). catching up with my reading. there’s a lot to catch up. and hopefully to take up at least one more course end of the year. self-development. studying with people who are working is so much fun. they’re more open. its fun. we have time to compliment and bitch about work. and traveling. oh boy, do I want to travel. and I want to meet more people. so I can be more intelligent. I think I’m stoopeet right now. like really, not enough brain works up there. I want to have more fun lepak session with lots of conversation.

I’ll try to write a poem for this one.

I want to smell you

like a mother smelling her freshly born baby

like a baby smelling her mother’s nipple for milk

like a kid smelling his dessert

like a bee smelling honey.

I want to hug you

when it gets cold and dark

when it gets tough and hard

when it gets lonely and sad

when you’re here beside me.

I want to see you smile

when I make you laugh

when I make you mad

when I make you sad

when I make you care.

You don’t let me smell you anymore.

You don’t let me hug you anymore.

You don’t let me make you smile anymore.

You don’t want me anymore.

You loved me a little less if not none at all.

I’ll leave you now when you don’t want me.

But I’ll be there when you need me.

Not because I care.

But because I’m born to be there.

Its 2.33am. I can’t sleep because I’ve slept earlier. Tomorrow I have work, but I need to make sure I won’t crave for more nicotine if I want to fast.

being raised

today, I received a Certificate of Achievement from Universiti Tunku Abdul Rahman upon the completion of the Fundraising and Communications course. It has been a stressful, tiring, but exciting and eye-opening 2 months for me. When I was assigned to join the course, I was thinking, oh gosh, there goes my Tuesday and Thursday nights and Saturday mornings. Well, to tell the truth, prior to the course, I didn’t really come straight home after work anyways, there were always yamchar sessions with my friends, if not alone. I need the break from the traveling I do daily. And yes, one cannot deny the nicotine and caffeine break, especially when one is happily indulging in guilty pleasures, can she? hehehe.

altho it wasn’t a proper certificate giving for me because before they started with the certificate giving, I’ve already on my feet to rush for another work-related event in Putrajaya. I was a bit sad, most of all to not have the chance for a proper goodbye with the little group who have opened my eyes. Truly an experience, worth the rushing through those heavy traffic congestions from Putrajaya on weekdays and Jalan Kuching on Saturday mornings.

Going to class, altho it might seem a bit boring and tiring, but the people made smiles feel warm. Yes, there are times when smiles can get cold. Although smiles adelah sedekah, but some people sedekah tak ikhlas. Hahaha. I owe this especially to my Fantastic groupmates, Carol, Joe, Suzana on the first day then Alawiyah and Valerie whom I met throughout the course. Working in such a government-like environment although we are fully NGO, I don’t meet a lot of people from other races. So, its nice, and I had fun. I had a lot of fun actually. I truly love the guys, Simon, Jeremy and Joe to name few. I admire the indiscriminating group of people who actually made me understand the importance of acceptance, especially when one suffered inferiority complex as she was growing up. Public acceptance have been quite a great issue in our culture but these people made me realise that its about tolerance, above all.

I told Ms Ann Woo, the person who solely initiated the idea for such course, that after all this, instead of being a fundraiser or working for an NGO, I’m actually aspired to become a Corporate Philanthropist. To be on the other side of the fundraising world. The giver.

The funny thing in life, is that when I joined Maxis Communications as an intern, I was absorbed in the Corporate Events and Sponsorship department and I started my corporate step there. This lead me to write my thesis in Corporate Social Responsibility, such thing I never heard of then, let alone included in my syllabus when I did my International Business major. I completed my International Business major just to start my first job with an NGO. Where the world of NGO starts when a person retires from the corporate world and wanted to work for a mission, I stepped into the working world in a job with a mission. Irregardless of what mission a person would start of, its still defines who I am. A giver. If before, I used to call myself a people pleaser, I come to a conclusion that we all are here to give. To give back. For what we’ve earned. A Life.

Being out of the topic for a while, some fellow coursemates from SPCA brought some pets to show us how to pamper animals. I got to play with the two small kittens and the cutest puppy. I have not interest in dogs before but the puppy is so cute, I couldn’t resist patting him when he blocked my way to exit. I wish I could hold him up and just play with him but I was in a hurry. The kittens, Ginger and Garlic, one white and brown were adorable animals. I told Yi Ching of SPCA that I might want to reserve them, becos me and Muid have been thinking of adopting some cats for home. Yeah, adding to my parents’ concern, if not resentment. As if both of us will be at home taking care of the cats. But kittens are irresistible.

Anyways, now, at Ali Maju, PBD, my usual hangout, before I head home, I’m writing this down. Because I doubt I’d write it when I reach home. Because it has been a very long day, I’m totally exhausted and I might just sleep at home and not jot anything down.

Tomorrow would be another story. Another day. Tiring, I’ve foreseen. Yes, I am indeed telepathetic.

But for today, its all okay. Although I was previous saddened by the fact that I didn’t even have time for lunch because had to rush from Petaling Jaya to Putrajaya. Dengan Jayanya, saya kini menulis entri ini. I might just lepak for a few more minutes. Then head home for a nice long sleep. Am thinking of days to ask for leave. I’m worn out. Totally worn out.

If I were your sun

if I were your sun,
I’ll watch you from afar
behind those dark clouds
to make sure where you are

if I were your sun
I’ll love you from afar
behind those doubt you have
to make sure you’ve been loved

if I were your sun
I’ll be a piece of your reflection
you don’t evolve around me
my life evolves to be close to yours

if I were your sun
I’ll be there when you look up
I’ll light your path when you look down
I’ll keep close even when you don’t care

if I were your sun
I’ll always shine after a heavy rain
I’ll always shine after a dark lonely night
I’ll always shine as long as you breathe

if I were your sun
I’ll dry your tears
I’ll keep you warm when you’re cold

You won’t notice me
if I were your sun
You won’t know that you need me
if I were your sun

but …
I’ll be there
like anyone who needs a sun