You Can’t Heal What You Don’t Let Yourself Feel

Please allow yourself to feel emotions in its entirety to be able to understand and control it. A lot of people avoid and disregard feelings, especially grief.

A lot of our anxiety attacks comes from surpressed feelings and disregarded issues that we keep avoiding. Fears, financials, grief, sadness, loneliness – we either pretend these are not material issues and we surpress it with substances and denials. And we laugh at those who feels too much, or paid too much attention to these feelings. Ego is mistaken for strength.

While you have more time to yourself during this MCO, revisit those part of yourselves, those feelings you often abandon, those mistakes you never acknowledge, those pain you never get to feel. Understand it, learn from it, allow yourself to go through it. So you can heal, and grow.

Master your own emotions. Before you tell people how to master theirs.

Beaming Sunshine


Do whatever you can to keep positively sound. Even if it involves acts of vanity with multiple selfies. I’m just doing it because the world need not be deprived of my cute smiles.

MCO brings out the confidence in you. Except I haven’t started my Tik Tok exploration yet. Kasi chance to the youngsters. Nanti I buat terbaik, kesian plak diaorang kena sidelined. Hahaha.

Syukur Hari Jumaat


Staying at home, working from home, dealing with attachment issues, dealing with over-communication, the secret desire to sell our children, having to face family 24/7, being confined alone away from loved ones, missing everyone, not having an income or business due to closure and retrenchment, paycuts, feeling lonely, starting to feel sick, missing past loves, and many many more.

These are the feelings most of us have at this point of time. It’s easy to see what we don’t have than what we do have. And what do we actually have at this point? Negative Covid-19.

I’ll try to reach out when I can. And thanks to those who have kept me company (especially on my random IG Live sessions) and checking in on me. While everyone is dealing with this at their own pace and with their own ways, let’s spare the judgement and have empathy.

Gratitude and Appreciation – for yourself. Thank yourself. Smile at your heart. Take care of it. Don’t give up now, you’ve come too far and have been so strong through worse times. Be good to yourself. And wash your hands. And make sure you poo poo. And wash your hands after that.

Happy International Women’s Day! #IWD2020

“Truth be told, I am neither a woman leader of the Malayan Communist Party, nor a reowned woman leader. I am merely a woman warrior who fought the British for the independence of her homeland and emancipation of women.” – Shamsiah Fakeh

While I applaud the strength and determination many have marching on the streets and joining voices in solidarity for better and equal treatmnt for women and girls out there today, I am confined to celebrating it with just being with my family. Took my dad (and the rest of the family) to Gerak Budaya and while I was flipping through the pages of this memoir, Abah came close to me and picked up the same book for him to buy.

I always believe in understanding how the women before me fight for all the conveniences I have today, it’s very important to know and to care. And for myself, I rather be in the position of making change happen instead of just demanding it from people I know who wouldn’t care. I want to find out how to win through the system, or at least support those along that path.

While we shout for rights, remember to always walk the talk. Fundamental remains – be kind, don’t discriminate and never allow dishonesty in however you live your life – with that, good energy will support your wish for the universe.

Selamat Hari Wanita Sedunia. Let me finish this book today and share with you what I learn from Shamsiah Fakeh’s life in my stories later on.

A day at the Pier

I remember this particular day sometime in March 2015 in Seattle.

It was our day off during the 4 days we were there. I bravely walked around the Seattle pier alone – I use the word brave because I seriously walked about 2-3 kms from my hotel, discovering new paths and alleys, not fearing the risks that my brain might left out, just embracing the solitary traveler that I am. I went to Seattle Aquarium, bought a disposable film camera, and explored the pier, took a ride on the ferris wheel (even a ride at the merry-go-round like a kid) and also bought myself a cruise ticket.

I was 33 years old, it was my second time in the States, my third city after San Francisco and Washington D.C. I was there, selected by the U.S. embassy for a fully funded 21-day exchange leadership programme.

I can’t afford to travel when I was younger, my parents don’t have that kind of luxury for us. All of my travels in my 30s have been for work, thankfully funded under work. I enjoy every single trip because it’s a blessing – every single moment is precious because it’s a gifted luxury that the universe awarded me with after countless sleepless nights of trying to prove my worth (I was never an intelligent student for scholarships anyway). I never complained about how much I had to work – I enjoy exploring my potentials and pushing my limits. And I get these traveling experiences as my presents.

Counting days until I purchase my next solo adventure. To be honest – I am a very good traveling companion to myself.