Vicky: Tell me, why won’t your father publish his poems?
Juan Antonio: Well because, he hates the world. And that’s his way of getting back at them. To create beautiful works and then to deny them to the public.
Vicky: What makes he so angry at the human race?
Juan Antonio: Because after thousands of years of civilisation, they still haven’t learn to love.
(From the movie ‘Vicky Christina Barcelona’)
I have a love and hate relationship with my poetry. Like I love how much they represent my magical imaginative subconscious thoughts but I hate that they’re not what people want to read.
For example this particular line – “Aku Jantung, Kau Udara, Mari Kita Bernafas Bersama-sama” – I was given a hard time by a doctor who said people bernafas guna paru-paru so I’m wrong with using jantung and yada yada yada. So I can’t be proud of this line because all doctors will see this wrongly and not poetically.
I keep papers of my writings in some scrolls and shoeboxes. It will be in my will that someone will only publish it when I’m dead. Because they can’t wrong the dead and even if they do, I will not be disheartened by it (aku dah mati kot, and I don’t make a good ghost).
Thank you always to Publika for believing and choosing my words. I just hope one day someone proposed to their loved ones by my words.