A Fool in April

It’s that time of the month or probably that time of the year when I feel like I’m not doing anything right.

I’m beginning to think that it is no longer about being insecure. I seriously do think that I’m not walking any of my talks. Thus why, I can only find relief in writing.

There’s something about writing that detaches you from reality. But detachment from reality doesn’t mean it’s false facts. The great author Alan Moore once said, “It is important that a story ring true upon a human level, even if it never happened.” However, writing allows one to dwell on certain things that crosses one’s heart and mind, but not necessarily builds up the reality in one’s life.

When I was small, like 12 or something, I like to write short stories. I was never a bookworm despite my fetish and love for books. I can barely finish a book. That is mostly due to my short attention span. Unless the book is really really engaging, then I’d finish it. I’m now 29, and still struggling to finish almost 4 books that I’ve bought since 2007. I stopped writing when I started high school (13 yrs old) but when I was 17, my English teacher started this ‘journal’ project in class which got me to writing again.

Then, in uni, one of the lecturers pointed out my exam paper in class, called up my name and commented, “This person writes with flare.”

It’s been 9 years since I started writing, and Ever since I started a fulltime job since January this year, today is the first time, I’m missing writing so much that it makes me cry.

There comes a time when reality should be re-assess on its subjectivity.

The reality is that people are scared to follow their heart, because we don’t often take responsibility of how we feel. We either blame it on the menstrual cycle, our age, or the people around us. Even in love, we wait and wait for someone else to come, that will make us fall on our knees, head over heels, in love. We’re afraid to say, “You, yes you, I don’t know if You feel the same way, but you know what, I can feel that we’re right for each other, and I want to try to love you for just based on that feeling.”

Again, the weirdly great Alan Moore said,

Because things that we do without lust or result, are the purest actions that we shall ever take.

I just had a good chat with one of my soulmates who’s now working in Kabul. It’s nice to know that someone out there see the sensibility in the decisions that I will take in this near future.

I talk to you guys again in May, if I can find my way there.

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