An Epiphany

noun /iˈpifənē/

– A moment of sudden revelation or insight

I always tell my friends, “an honest person makes the best lies.” A contradicting statement, almost oxymoron. I used to get attacked for its contradicting message.

Tonight, for the first time I realised what I really meant by it. Thanks to a friend who actually understood where I was coming from.

The argument, or more likely, my stance is this.

Honest people, by whom, I’m referring to honestly sincere people, would only lie not to serve their own agendas or self-gains, but actually based on a certain selfless intention, mainly to protect something or someone.

Honestly, I lie a lot. And I’m an honest person. Maybe it’s not really a smart move to openly confess that I’m a terrific liar. BUT, there’s one thing I learned. People who tell lies based on selfish and bad intentions, will eventually get karma smacking them on their faces. (I might have to eat my words for this but who cares, I have faith that I won’t. I hope).

But this post is not about lying. It’s about honouring your word.

There’s one thing I learned and am still learning, is to not regret the things I’ve said or done. Everything happens for a reason. Time will reveal the reason, but we must embrace whatever that reason may be.

There are times, mostly when I look at myself in my bathroom mirror, I start thinking about the things I’ve said and done recently. The stupid things I’ve said and done. And how I could’ve said or done it differently. And I’d scold myself for a moment, then comforted myself saying that it’s done and it’s okay. And I call this “humility”.

Admitting mistakes and owning up to them, not everyone is capable of doing that.

If I were to use a bigger word for it, it could be “accountability.” But I’m not a big-word person. I can’t even get my grammar right, let alone use bombastic vocabularies.

Recently, I’ve fallen for someone. And during the pursuit in which I refer to as the “courting” period, I’ve said a few things which were pretty heavy. Heavy in terms of its meaning. And as months passed by, as the fire dims and the pursuit leads to nothingness, I looked back at the words I’ve thrown in. Things, a love poet, would write in their best pieces of art. Referring to great love affairs.

I realised, despite it being a pursuit to nowhere, I confined myself in the presence of waiting. Let’s just say, “waiting in vain.”

My friend told me, that is me, honouring my words. I treat my words like a promise. I treat my words with its true meaning and purpose. I find it insulting if it was taken in the opposite context. I am, like a true poet, attached to every single words I write and say.

We live in a cynical, cynical world. Where even honest intentions get misunderstood for the fear of it being untrue. Our paranoia will eventually destroy our faith, despite wanting to protect it.

As I write this in the silence of the night, trying to gather the thoughts I have, the points I am trying to make, I, too, am still figuring things out. A contestant in America’s Next Top Model Cycle 17, Dominique Reighard once said, “You can never be above an opportunity.” Weirdly I’m quoting a reality show contestant, but everyone is a human being with their own baggages and experiences. And I couldn’t agree more. No one can be above an opportunity. And life brings opportunity to you, every single day you wake up still breathing. The moment we acknowledge this, we are given a chance, and we make a choice. Life is, indeed, part chance, part choice. And at the end of the day, we are the person based on the chances given to us and the choices we’ve made. Tomorrow, a new opportunity will come. InsyaAllah.

Everything I’ve written serves as a reminder to myself more than what I wanted to share with anybody who is reading this (if there’s any).

We are all humbled by our experiences, and the lack there-of.

But moments like an epiphany, should be one of the blessings that comes in clear conscience, never in a disguise.

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