Season 1 – Episode 12: Happy endings are just stories that haven’t finished yet.

*inhales Surya Pro*

This remind me of someone. Who introduced me to Surya Pro.


Wow, 2008.

What a year. What a whole year it was. In love, out of love, backstabbed, crushing on people, make new friends.

Vulnerability was widely exposed. Diri ini lemah sebenarnya. Ditolak dan dipaksa sehendak daya.

Support system has been good. Actually, extremely brilliant beyond expectations. I found a few constant.

Pengembaraan hidup tanpa perlu menjejak langkah.

Tersimpang …

tersasar …

terjatuh …

mengaduh …

Chenta hati kata, “U value friendship. N u care 4 ur loved ones, dats y u do what u did. Dats y u listen 2 me.”

She has been there without prejudice, listening and supporting.

So have the rest. Telling me to be strong. Everytime they saw me falling down. Terrified for the fact that a strong soul could feel so down, hitting rock bottom.

2008. Saya tidak kuat. Acapkali jatuh, lemah, membiarkan diri dibawa emosi. Cuba untuk bangun sendiri, tetapi hanya gagah mencapai tangan yang membantu.

I tried to mix around. I tried. Cubaan Gagal. Cuba lagi tahun depan.

Tahun depan … is just a few minutes away.

Setiap malam, perkara yang membantu, ialah pelukan adik bongsu yang sering menenangkan. Walaupun ditindih dengan badan yang dua kali ganda lebih berat dari tubuh sendiri. Namun berat itu telah meringankan gundah yang membebankan jiwa.

“So, what are you doing for new year’s eve?”

“Am staying at home, as usual. I don’t go out on new year’s eve, or any eve’s for that matter. Gonna do a movie marathon and thats it.”

2008 is like 4 light years.

A light-year or light year (symbol: ly) is a unit of length, equal to just under ten trillion kilometres.

When you’re constantly falling down and being pulled back up within those 4 light years, you can just sum it up to “ONE HECK OF A JOURNEY”

Some people have dreams, some have goals and targets.

Dreamers might wake up to reality and the dream fades away.

Realist belives in goals and targets.

I don’t like to compete. I believe every one is entitled to fair chance in life. I will do everything moderately, and let other people win if its not my time.

“You’re independent. That Freedom is precious”

I might be free as a bird. But I’m one of those who doesn’t want to fly high. Because for the fact, I want to keep being grounded.

A dialogue from Jean-luc Godard’s ‘ร€ bout de souffle’ (1960)

Patrcia: What is your great ambition?
Parvulesco: To become immortal, and then die.

I try. Will keep on trying.

Immortality can be perceived in so many angles, not just ignoring the fact that life ends. It open boundaries and make us believe in things that we can do.

“We humans have two great problems: the first is knowing when to begin, the second is knowing when to stop.” – Paulo Coelho in The Zahir.

At the end of the day, reaching the end of the year, all we can do is say this prayer,

“Our Rabb! Do not punish us if we forget or make a mistake. Our Rabb! Do not place on us a burden as You placed on those before us. Our Rabb! Lay not on us the kind of burden that we have no strength to bear. Pardon us, Forgive us, Have mercy on us. You are our Protector, help us against the unbelievers.”
– Al-Baqarah: 2:286

And to everyone who I’ve befriended throughout 2008, all those extra-ordinaire personas, charismas, I’ve came across

for 2009,


I wish You all the Love you deserve.



Season 1: Episode 11 – Tales from the Beach

We arrived. With shoulders, back and head, aching from the zombified straight up sleep we had.

*perut berbunyi*

Dua beradik berjalan tanpa arah tujuan. Wait, we do have arah tujuan, we just don’t know, which way to go to head towards our arah tujuan.

Found it. The ferry ride. I never had one. The last time we came to Penang, it was 1991, Abah drove on the Penang bridge. I was … 9. Too young. To. Remember.

The sunrise was nice. Thats a good start. After the whole night on the train. Yes, train ride was great. Some of the stops didn’t evolve at all. Its like you went through a time tunnel which took you back in the 30s. Where hawkers selling ‘ais kepal’ for 5 cents and people in their batik sarongs and baju kedah. Nice feeling. Bumped into an acquaintance on the ferry, wow, people I know is everywhere. Must remind self to message her on Friendster to add me up on Facebook instead.

Ah, Friendster, dah lama tak buka.

Anyways, we got to Penang. Must find food. Tummy is hungry. Food we found. Now, must find cabbie to take us to Baru Feringhi.

Uncle Cabbie: Lu mau teksi?

Abby: Ya.

Uncle Cabbie: Mana mau pigi?

Abby: Itu kem askar dekat batu feringhi. Uncle tau ka?

Uncle Cabbie: Ooo .. itu kem askar kanan jalan aa? Tau tau. Lu sikijap tunggu. Wa mau pancut!


Seriously, I wanted to laugh my lungs out and roll on that bloody road while he go ‘pancut’.

*note to self – don’t shake his hand by any means*

*shit, he touched my bag when he took it out of the boot*

*its okay, dah basuh beg semalam – pheww – lega*

Sun …….. Sand ……… Beach ………. Abby ……….

It felt as if its meant to be. My being there. I’ve lived by the beach two times. Once in Melaka, right by Tanjung Bidara, the Terendak army camp. The beach is just 10 minutes walk away. Sometimes me and Muid will ride our bicycles to Tanjung Bidara to have some ABC then a swim during the weekends. We stayed there for 2 years. Then, there was Port Dickson. Another 10 minutes walk from the beach. During my after-SPM vacation, I’d go there to read and run. Back then, I haven’t started writing. *smiles*

Batu Feringhi in particular has a different atmosphere compared to the town. The Island people smell you find everywhere and the island feeling is there.

*massages at the beach*

*random chats with strangers and locals*

Towards my last day, we hiked up the 40 steps towards our chalet. Once we reached the parking area, a voice greeted me.

“Best kan mandi pantai?”

My eyes search for the source. A little 3-4 year old boy, not looking but still speaking to me.

“Best. Awak tak turun ke?”


“Yelah, dah nak hujan pun”

“Ish, takpe mandi pantai masa tengah hujan …” then he was going on and on and I can no longer hear him as he walk towards his chalet.

Simply amazing that he talks like a grown-up and grown-up I know some few, gives me stupid baby talks like ‘dah makan? makan ape? alaaaaaa, tak ajak i pun …..” or “i dah ngantuk … tapi you takde kat sini i nak peluk …”

Annoying baby talk aside, the bitch has more beach tales to tell but maybe for later.

It has been a nice weekend-vacation for me. Am making plans for more beach trips in my mind. Alongside other things. Like paying debts. Lalalala …

This series will end with Episode 12. Stay tuned.

Season 1: Episode 10 – Last but at least

Kosmik Kembara nampak tidak berapa sihat. Namun masih cekap menggagahi lorong dan jalan penuh sesak di muka bumi Kuala Lumpur. *keluhan* Sedih juga melihat Kosmik Kembara. Walaupun makannya cukup, tetapi jarang ke doktor. Kita tidak tahu tahap kesihatannya bagaimana.

Then again, I think of myself as the same.

How I treat all my lovable belongings, is exactly how I treat myself.

“Boss, Surya Ori ada tak?”

“Surya Ori tada. Surya Amaran ada.”


“Hah. Takpe la. Kasi itu Surya Amaran 12.”

Maka batang nikotin dihisap dengan penuh berwaspada, kerana labelnya ialah, ‘Surya Amaran’. Jikalau mamak kedai itu mahir berbahasa Inggeris dan label itu ditulis didalam bahasa Inggeris, barangkali akan kedengaran “Surya Ori tada. Surya Warning ada”. Mungkin lebih sedap begitu.

To find the smuggled Surya has been quite a task. I’m just thankful that boss have dealings in Jakarta, hence, the opportunity for me to pesan rokok from him. How convenient. Analysing companies to check on their ISO14001 and OHSAS certificates and here I am breaching both, environment and health & safety.

Work … Year End. Christmas-eve work vent. At 7pm)

Disclaimer: Its a must to include a chat conversation in the episode

Fozz: TAU TAK.
Abby: tak
Fozz: ive been rushing for this 1 proposal.. tgk2 client cancel plakkk. PENATNYEE 1 hari dok buat ok
Abby: ok. hows your 3 schedule going? OMG! is it that 3 schedule?
Fozz: now no more 3 scheudles ;aa..2 scheudles left
Abby: lah. sian you
Fozz: satu tu dah siap, rupenye tak jd. AERGHHH
Abby: I dah sent 1 email. formulating the second and sending in 15 mins time
Fozz: okok
Abby: should be sending 3
Fozz: good. im gonna proceed with scheudle 2
Abby: lepas ni nak join adi, edri semua kat devi’s. okay. LETS WORK!
Fozz: hehe okok. at least u dah ade aim. go ahead
Abby: sambil youtube dengar garbage. hehehehehehe
Fozz: hehehe. okok
Abby: dan nyanyi sensorang kat ofis
Fozz: besttt!jom concentrate
Abby: jom! another email done!
Abby: come on babe. we can do this
Fozz: huaaa. okok
Abby: babe, jangan jadi analyst. I have to push on my anal side
Fozz: haha
Abby: *sigh*
Fozz: dun be a planner. u risk urself from being a perfectionist to be a complete careless-prone person
Abby: hahaha. okay. I take note. shit, its dark
Fozz: coz there so much things that you are expected to be anal at. yet when theres too much, it becomes unbearable
Abby: true true
Fozz: mcm rs nak muntah pon ade. pastu u r held responsible when u do silly mistakes. coz u r suppose to be anal remember? ARGH
Abby: huhuhuhuhu

I didn’t hit my target. But its okay. Work is work. We all have our own occupational hazard and these days, Mental Health and Stress Management is part of occupational hazard too!


Then … Comes Christmas into picture.

Yesterday, was indeed a fulfilling day with joyful laughter and hugs. Its the season for love. Started with a nice grocery shopping, then a great Christmas lunch, and ended with a warm Christmas supper with some little close friends. I (help) cook though *coughs*

I imported a cook, and invited a couple of friends. We had pasta, salad, fried chicken, ice-cream and fruit punch. We watched ‘Snatch’, ‘Sumpah Pocong’, ‘Jakarta Undercover’ and ‘Monkeybone’ until 5am. We had some additional substances. And of course just nice time hanging out.

Its a Joyful Merry season. Its 2008 coming to an end. Personally, it has been quite a journey for a whole year. Funnily, its the same for most of the people I gotten to know. This year alone, I’ve befriended a lot of new amazing characters and met so many people.

Last … BUT at least … I’m glad towards the end, the domesticated Abby has come back.

To end this, I hold my cup of egg noc (my first ever) up high in the warmth of my office on a Boxing day, to thank those who have been involved directly or indirectly to my soul search for the past year.

Now … train ride to Penang at 10.30pm tonight. *I’m EXCITE !!*

Season 1: Episode 9 – More Than This

She started asking me questions and answering it in the middle of my answering her questions.
I don’t know whether its just a German thing or its just her. Today, I try to play her game. I sit, nod and smile while she talks. “Yes. Just do that.” After she finished talking.

Its very quiet in the office. Just the four of us. At each row. Minding our businesses. Secretly wishing the other doing work. While me, I’m writing this. Yes. A slacker. Recently promoted to Senior Slacker. *grins*

She started talking again. This time, she kind of like menyambut ayat-ayat yang keluar dari bibir saya. It felt like Choral Speaking. Or maybe I’m like a vocal teacher. Like a dance teacher in front where the student carefully immitate the steps by the side. Only when it deals with talking, its tad … annoying.

Kembali sunyi.

Suddenly …

Khairina: buy me back! u kaya raya lady whose worth like freaking 15million?!?!??!!

Abby: Hahaha, and heyloo makcik. when you wanna buy me?

Khairina: omg! i sooo cant afford u even if i sold my soul now! gila ok hahaha


People are going crazy over Facebook applications, I tell you. I just disabled Fighter’s Club and took myself off from all the groups I was invited to join. I’m just playing Friends For Sale right now. And that is not even on daily basis.

*not-so silver-screen*

Last night treasured one of those best moments you have when you meet the people you misses so much. Although I talk, chat and meet Farah every week (maybe not meet la kan). But we chat everyday and I still misses her. And so, we were there to discuss Enni’s wedding itinerary. Aya was there as well. I had to meet them. I’m skipping the akad nikah and the reception at De Palma.

Farah: So, you berinai tak?

Enni: Alaa .. I tak berinai la … Takpe ke?

Abby: Takpe Enni, its just cultural. Kalau I kan, I rasa I tak berinai. Baik aku tattoo terus! Body art. And bila makcik-makcik tanya, kata je la, ‘Ini lah inai saya’.

Enni: Hahahaha … Pastu kenapa hitam sangat inai kau kan.

Abby: Itulah … Siap ada kaler kaler sekali. ‘Ni modern nye inai makcik. Lama sikit. Tahan 2 bulan’.

Enni: Bodoh, padahal permanent.

We end the night with Aya playing ‘professional portrait artist’ and sketched the picture of all three of us chatting.

He captioned it ‘3 Crazy Ladies’. We left hartamas square at about midnight.

Sampai sahaja pintu pagar rumah, satu pesanan teks ringkas masuk ke telefon bimbit yang tiada bertujuan itu.

“I’m home babe. U? Gd exercise, no doubt! I miss having u guys everyday like uni years. Get gd rest babe. Gnite”

Kemudian ketika jam menunjukkan pukul 2 pagi, satu lagi pesanan teks ringkas memeriahkan hidup sunyi telefon bimbit saya.

“Sori juz finished all my routine. aku mandi scrub n shampp rmbut, siap blow smpi kering n pki serum! blum describe face regime aku lg. aku rasa aku sesuai jd attendant hospital. btw, tanx alot 4ur time, u guys r sure a medicine 2 all myhard days. aku rasa worth gle jumpe setan2 gelak ni. t*t*k i kembng je gelak nonstop.”

I have weird and crazy friends. They make me laugh like freaking madness all the time and thats when I get my athsma and happiness.

I couldn’t make it for Enni’s akad and reception since I’m booked for the family vacation to Penang during Christmas weekend.

Then again, I’m never big on weddings to be honest.

Because it reminds me of something I might never have.

Because I have planned for the perfect wedding in my head.

Because during the reception, I will sit by the piano and sing …

“Your love is better than ice cream
better than anything else that I’ve tried
and your love is better than ice cream
everyone here know how to fight
and it’s a long way down
it’s a long way down
it’s a long way down to the place
where we started from
Your love is better than chocolate
better than anything else that I’ve tried
oh love is better than chocolate
everyone here knows how to cry
it’s a long way down
it’s a long way down
it’s a long way down to the place
where we started from…”

Season 1: Episode 8 – Stay this Way

Ketika saya turun ke bawah untuk mengalihkan kereta yang diparkir di Jalan Rozario supaya lebih dekat di lobi pejabat, saya dapati hujan turun dengan kadar yang agak lebat. Fine, so I’m not going to go upstairs. Saya terus meredah hujan, dengan membiarkan air hujan menitik ke muka bumi dan muka saya. Dengan kadar berhati-hati, saya meneruskan langkah menuruni Jalan Tun Sambanthan.

The raindrops have this magical effect when you walk in it.

To note that during that time, the perfect song was blasting in my ears from my “Abbey Road” iPod. Iya, itu nama baru iPod saya. Thanks chenta hati for that small keepsake of Abbey Road board magnet she got me. *hugs* *does cartwheels out of excitement*

*N’Dea Davenport of Brand New Heavies sings*

If our dreams are falling
down to the ground
Let them fly
Let the rain keep falling down
Cause baby Iโ€™m high
Now it will fly now that
weโ€™re together oh ho
Love is so high stay this way forever

Saya teringat perbualan atas talian saya.

Me: I might be picking up some kittens this weekend. The ones I told you about, which you thought was Fynaz’s. Haha. Somewhere in Changkat Bukit Bintang. Dunno how my mom and dad would respond to it tho. But, think with my loveless life, I need a divertion. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Her: well . u and fly can share something in commin when it comes to ‘diversion’

Me: Nahhh ……. Hahaha, Fly lives alone. My initial intention was not actually that. I want my kids to have them actually. A small project for them. They love cats. Come on, loveless as it is, I’m partying like hard.

These days, some people are worried about me I know. Its so unlike me to let loose, looking as if I lose control of myself with excessive smoking, heavy partying and mingling with too many new people. Some just see it as I’m living my young life.

*silver screen*

Suatu ketika dulu, di kala lewat malam bersukaria di luar, satu pesanan teks ringkas masuk ke telefon bimbit saya.


“U late night stays & U smoking will not bring good to U. One fine day U realized all these…it’ll be too late! I’m feeling uncomfortable & sad”.

Kata-kata Abah memang betul. *keluhan*

But Abah … Life is about challenges, about discovering something new, about falling and bringing your own self up again on your own. After years of dedication, selfless devotion to family obligation, of not being able to be angry for you are the rock of composure to those fragile tempers of your loved ones, I figure, I am just letting loose.

I’m staying this way. Not in this phase.

But like walking in the rain. They say I would catch a cold. I’d say, “The cold will be worth those magical vibe of each raindrop brings”.

Season 1: Episode 7 – Blow MY Mind

Do you believe in fate and destiny? I do. Well, from my roots and how I’ve been raised, we’re taught to believe in qada’ and qadr, meaning what’s been written for us and destiny.

Funny things happen in life. Stupid funny things happen in MY life *coughs*

But today, THE MOST BIZARRE thing had happen and it was something I never saw coming.

*Facebook status*

Abby is flying higher than a pig in hyperspace.

D: holy shit. pls tell me you got that line from Main Vein

A: Of course. my favourite song. I was born in 1969. I breathe Jamiroquai baby.

D: no. fuckin. way. i wish i met you like, 6 years ago, when i was looking for a travel mate to see them in singapore. i went on my own. ๐Ÿ˜›


D: yeah. did you go? i danced on stage with jay!

A: FUCKING SHIT. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. Am so gonna datang malam ni and put on a straight confused face right in front of the stage

D: hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

haha!!!! pls don’t fuck me. haven’t finished period yet

A: Don’t worry baby, me myself am at it. But have to then tell you, its your lost. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Anyhow. Wow. YOU SERIOUSLY ARE IN MY TOP LEVEL GOOD BOOKS. Altho in my TOP LEVEL ENVY LIST as well. Hey, we should check out their tour dates, we can plan go together next time.

D: hahahahaha! and you’ve just shot up like, waaaaaaaay up there as well! like fuck dude.

A: don’t fuck dude. no no

D: i’ve been looking for a person as obsessed as i am for like, eons

A: Yeay! Likewise. I’ve. found. my. soulmate. HAHAHAHA

D: like toooottaaaalllyyyyyy WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE

A: I don’t know. Work? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

D: i was just starting to accept the fact that noone in the whole of malaysia is as gila babi over them except me. hahaha

A: oh my. I bagi lagu ‘Falling’ to the last girl I’ve loved okay. Thats how sappy I was. And how into Jamiroquai I was. ‘Blow Your Mind’ is like my life soundtrack theme. and and and and. my screen name used to be ‘cosmic girl’. fuck it. even my journal series is called ‘Traveling Without Moving’.

D: hahahahahahahahaha. phwaliauweh!

A: My car is ‘Cosmic Traveler’ a.k.a. Kembara Kosmik

D: my blog used to be called destitute illusions. and fuck dude

A: gila la

D: i SANG falling to my first love.


D: down the phone. played the song on my hifi and sang to it. damn gila we are man!

A: oh my oh my. hahahaha *sigh* You have made my heart skipped a beat man

D: i LOOOOVE blow your mind. mine too! AARRGGGHH

A: Hahahahahhahahahahaa

D: i wanna bone you so bad right now

A: how I wish!

D: hahahahaha!!! far out. this is so unreal.


D: it’s like… finding a survivor of the holocaust man.

A: Hahahahahhaahhahahaha. And finding fish in a desert

D: hahaha yeah

A: So, since we’re both from Quasar. We should ……………………..…….. should ……………………..……




A: And save OUR KIND




A: Even if its just finger babies

D: HAHAHAHAHA. finger babies!!!!

A: As long as we keep breeding

D: yes yes. we must start our scheming now.

A: Yes Yes Yes

And thats how we knew. From now on, things won’t be the same anymore. I am not alone in this world. I have saw some light. People have come up to me and say “Yeah, Jamiroquai is alright” or maybe I bumped into a few others who like them as well, but weren’t as obsessed as I am.

Things happen for a reason. The Space Cowgirl had her Mind Blown Away and now is Falling Deeper Underground into the Corner of the Earth.


Season 1: Episode 6 – Virtual Insanity

“So, we have 8 companies. Want to do the Buddy Check? Take 4 each?”

“Okay, lets do that so Luke can do the write-ups before he leaves for holidays”

First company. Done. *pheww* Checking other people’s work can be a bit tiring and tedious at times, nevertheless, it comes with the job. Must do Pernille’s companies now, there’s 3 of them.

*press SAVE*

*page went blank*

*tekan butang F5 untuk segaran semula*

*masih kosong*

Argh! Tahap kesabaran jelas tercabar. Kepala sudah panas. Butang F5 ditekan berkali-kali namun hasilnya tetap sama, hamparan yang kosong. Jam menunjukkan pukul 3 petang.

“I want to cry”

Dagu dilabuhkan ke atas meja sambil mata masih menatap skrin komputer yang memaparkan hamparan kosong itu.

“Oh Nurol Latif, please don’t cry”

Sejenak setitis air mata bertakung di hujung mata kanan. Jari yang berkali-kali menekan butang F5 kini berhasil. Program yang ditunggu jelas terpapar di skrin.

Technology. Your life depends on it. Well, sadly but true, my career depends on staring at the monitor for 8 hours a day. So don’t blame me for being a Facebook junkie who write Notes every single day.

Met a new friend last night.

She mentioned something about insanity with regards to my stressful work encounters.

“What is sanity again? Does it have something to do with sanitary?”

We end up making jokes about sanitary room, sanitor, janitor and being sane. I like her already. Yes, give me crap and I consume it wholly.

Another hangout last night lead to another crappy BUT factual conversation. With regards to the word ‘absurd’.

Farah: i think im the few ones yg tak kesah single life pls. i mean, it wud be good if i hv a significant other to complete me, but klu takde..takdelaa i mati

Abby: I want to find an equal to my sarcastic wit. And if its just friends, so be it.

Farah: i like fun factual conversations, rather than mind boggling conversations.

Abby: Yes, true. I mean, its like … Its nothing serious. But it actually means we’re smart people. We know stuff

Farah: yes..i think we are the ppl yg we enjoy GOOD informative chaTs..

I think most of the time I talk is crap. Slapstick sarcastic shits. But its okay. Cos I’m talking to great people who gets my shits.