In search of maturity, we lose wisdom.

A few days back, me and my girl Salmi was questioning, “why is it guys love those prim and proper matured looking girls who always behave, like ALWAYS BEHAVE prettily?”


Me and Salmi giggled endlessly, admitting our childishness, our constant goofing around, despite the fact, me, the fake intellectual, and Salmi, a naturally born fashionista.


A lot of things have happened for the past one year. last year, I was futureless, not knowing what to do with my life, being utterly lame and begging muid to take me out at 11pm 25th sept for mamak becos I had no human interaction the whole day.


In one year, there can be lot of lessons learned, huge mistakes done, millions of people who passed by in our lives, and we’ve noticed half of them.


Working has taught me a lot. its not like I’m new to working a year back, but a full time job that paved my career path, built the person that I am.


I met people I never met before, I met people who other people kill to meet. okay, killing might be over exaggerating it. yeah, I’ve learned how to over exaggerate the past year too.


Commitments, responsibilities, juggling everything in my hand, and managing time. dealing with emotions and go on with life. crying inside and laughing out loud.


Nearly half an hour ago, I discussed my future plan of publishing my book with a friend. she who is one of the greatest woman photographer in Malaysia, offered to take photos for my cover concept. the discussion I had with her made me realised my long time passion in writing which seems to fade away through time.


Writing this thinking about my future plan makes me want to cry. the fact that this little no one, do have a dream she often refuse to admit.


Dreaming is something I lost hope in.


I’ve dreamed a lot of things that I know wouldn’t happen. So, I have become afraid to dream.


The past year, I’ve become, a Hug-a-Holic.


I crave hugs from everyone I know. Fortunately, I’ve made new friends who loves giving hugs, regardless how little I know of them. These people, we call strangers, are family from the life we’ve lived before.


As I grow older, I noticed that what I want, as years age me, is not maturity, but wisdom.


The wisdom to understand life, to be able to interpret it in my own very way, to find the magic in love and to act accordingly, while understanding things from different perspective.


Not maturity.


If maturity I seek, being a quarter of century old, I think I’ve aged triple than these Gregorian years.


Hence, I promise myself, I’ll be a wise child. a person who never loses her inner child, who jumps up and down and take secret rides on barney at midvalley. but wiser. to not get caught embarrassing her friends. a child with passion to know. a child with curiosity to learn. a child who never cries after falling down, but giggled and rolled on the ground laughing. if no guy would fall in love with this child, its okay. relationship is not about being in one or having someone. relationship is enjoying the magic of love. and that magic happens in my relationships with family, friends and most of the time, the sun, the moon, the clouds and some stars.


In search of wisdom, I’d give up the chance to mature.


Happy Birthday to Abby! She’s 25 years old on the 25th of September 2007.


Now, let’s blow the candles shall we.



*darkness. and a smile*


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